My coffee was not tasting good. My mind was preoccupied with why I was not feeling well when I was in, what should have been, a happy place. I stared at the pancakes on the griddle and at my third attempt at coffee, my usual elixir for eliminating the morning woes – I knew. My heart started pounding a little faster and the task of making breakfast for my family and friends overwhelmed me. I had suspected all week long that this might be the case, but the failed attempt at coffee sealed the deal. We were in Cape May, NJ on a combined effort of relaxing, while at the same time spending time with all the people we love back east. I turned to my dear friend, Missie, and asked her to tell Darren that I was going to get sunscreen. She looked at me a little funny because we were at her beach house and beach houses usually have an ample supply of sunscreen. I jumped into our rental car and zoomed away in search of the nearest pharmacy.
This was not supposed to happen now. Ella and Jules were accomplished at self sufficient things like making a bed and getting dressed on their own. Kesley and I were weeks away from launching Logically Local, a small business that would encourage people to shop locally. (I did not link to it because it no longer exists. A post for another day). The pins I had carefully dropped on the map for the next year of my life had suddenly disappeared and I was now in the abyss of blue to the east with no inner tube. It was hard to breathe.
The feelings of this day seem like yesterday and a lifetime ago. I used to feel slightly guilty about recounting my first trimester pregnant with Liam, but I know now that the events played out as they should have and his coming into this world, though surprising and derailing were nothing less than perfect. He is a reminder that even well designed plans can implode, but when the shock subsides and the dust settles the universe has presented you with a more beautiful plan then you could have imagined.
This weekend we celebrated Liam’s third Birthday along side of my dear friend and ex and future business partner, Kelsey, who turned 39. Logically Local may be no longer, but we will launch another when the time is right and put the education gained from our first attempt to great use. Stay tuned.
Three years is crossing the chasm between baby and big boy. He is longer and less squishy. You can understand absolutely everything he says and he is almost too heavy to put on my shoulder to bounce to sleep (though it still works). I know it will be okay though. We will move on and celebrate the new stuff.
This weekend, for the first time, we skied as a complete family unit. We rode up the chair lift together. The girls encouraged him the whole time letting him know that they had missed him on the mountain when he was a baby, but he had finally arrived. He was so proud.