It is a curious thing, time. It permeates our stories from the beginning. How long was she in the belly? how long did it take her to come out? How long before she rolls over, crawls, walks, talks? I remember not being able to wait for these milestones with my first baby and then realizing how swiftly it all passes.
I know from experience that time is the only thing that heals a hurting heart. Time breeds indifference and takes you further away from the moment of loss as each day passes on the calendar stacking up in the past to make the future easier to handle.
Time can be a total bitch staring you in the face as it was for Louis Zamperini in the middle of the pacific, starving, punching sharks in the face while getting shot at from above by Japanese bombers. When is it going to end? But then again without the promise of another day, he wouldn’t of had anything for which to live.
Then there is the minutia. Siri remind me, another meeting, another event, another alert. We must get it done, by this day, by this time. The details of our life – scheduled.
While considering time and its fleeting qualities I can not just think about the past and the future, but also this moment. Right now. I tap the keys and watch my words form on the screen. It makes me happy. It is being mindful or in the moment or whatever you want to call it. For so many years, I had no idea what this meant. I was rarely present in the present. It is easy not to be in the moment when there is always something else to to, another place to be or the next box to check. I greedily gobbled up minutes not truly appreciating them. I am not sure how I started reminding myself not to fly through the now. I don’t think it was a monumental moment, but more of a slow transformation into being more aware.
Living in the moment is a practice of sorts. Am I an expert at it? Hell no. I have to check myself daily and sometimes hourly. And sometimes that fabulous man I am married to will remind me if I have completely forgotten.
As I start a new year, my resolutions are simple. And yes, I have resolutions. Less clutter, less carbs and new yoga regime. I may fail at some all of these and that is okay. I will keep practicing to experience each moment as they come, to feel profoundly grateful for being alive, and to keep searching for the beauty even when the shit is piled high.
Mary Oliver says it better than me, so I will leave you with this,
Instructions for living a life: Pay attention. Be astonished. Tell about it.
Happy New Year!
Some ‘Tis the Season Snapshots